Review: What I Wouldn’t Give To Be A Pool Table

Winner of the Feminist Porn Awards ‘Most Deliciously Diverse Cast’. I definitely agree with at least part of that award- Delicious. No Fauxxx Roulette does not have the most racially diverse cast but it does certainly touch upon multiple sexualities and sexual deviances. As I’ve said before, I do not like extremely detailed reviews of any movie, including porn, hence the overview that follows.

Scene One is between Ceci and Kenji, a gorgeously cute pairing that is full of playful interaction. I love it when the stars really seem to be having a good time and a scene dotted with laughter is a pretty good indicator this is the case. This scene is filled with everything from oral sex to finger fucking to strap-on sex. If kissing is something you really enjoy watching you will likely enjoy this scene as it is filled with passionate kisses, licks and nibbles. Just on a side note, I have a thing for backs, especially women’s backs… the way the spine curves just so with the smooth muscles rippling as she shifts is incredibly sexy. Ceci has an absolutely gorgeous back, one of those that you just want to run your hands down her sides and nibble along her spine. All in all, this scene is a great introduction to the rest of this movie.

Scene Two stars Cyd and is a solo scene. This particular set up is in a small locker room and involves solo strap-on masturbation as well as masturbation with a (glass!) dildo. Solo scenes aren’t really my cup of tea so I found this scene to be a little weak overall for my tastes. Scene two is followed up by, of all things, a music video. Seriously. I have encountered this a few times now in porns and I really hate it. There’s not much that can really kill it for me faster than to be into a movie, ready for the next scene and a damn music video pops up. Just skip to the next chapter and you won’t miss anything other than the music video, which is not really why we’re here, now is it?

Scene Three is between Walter Crasshole and Nikolaj, the newly affianced. This scene is backed by driving music and features two men rocking flame red mohawks. It is jam packed with anal sex, oral sex, masturbation and kissing all on a very tiny blanket atop a gravel roof. The one thing I could not stop myself from thinking throughout this entire scene is ‘that gravel has GOT to suck, it CANNOT be comfortable at all.’ Yes, I realize it’s a porn but jesus. Really. It had to suck. Moving on we have….

…. Another music video! That’s right! Not one, but TWO music videos interrupting my so far moderately good porn. Scene Four is another solo scene and features Dia, a pretty blonde that has broken into an apartment and raided the fridge. This scene involves Dia playing very erotically with a half gallon of milk- pouring it in her mouth and letting it dribble out, pouring it so that it runs down her body, pouring it in her shoes, soaking her stockings with it before tearing them to shreds with her hands. If you enjoy food play, this is definitely a scene for you.

Scene Five is one of the hottest scenes I’ve ever seen. Ever. This scene involves Donny, one of The. Hottest. People. I. Have. Ever. Seen. My jaw literally hit the keyboard when I saw her. I had been looking forward to this scene as it were because I have a major porn crush on Syd who also stars in this scene- along with the always hot Jiz Lee and the beautiful Rozen. This scene is full of oral sex, strap-ons, Galliano fucking (yes, there is finally a decent use for that 2/3 full bottle of Galliano that every bar I’ve ever worked in has seemed to come with) Hitachi appearances, finger fucking, push-up blow jobs (yes, it is what you think it is) thigh shaking, finger biting pool table sex. This scene alone sells the movie for me, I would buy it based purely for this one scene, quite literally.

Scene Six is more of a mini-scene as it’s not even listed on the disc menu. It features a close-in short of Courtney Trouble masturbating with a glass dildo on a chair in a room lit by red light. The raunchy sexy feel that I feel was the intention of this set up was captured perfectly. Scene Seven is between Milo and Cole and is relatively quiet and soft overall. I feel bad for Milo throughout the first part of this scene because she is using a feeldoe and is really struggling with keeping it in and being able to properly thrust with it. It seems that this, understandably, takes a bit of the pleasure out of the moment for her and it shows on her face. This scene is a bit switchy and turns into Cole fucking Milo with a strap-on, something they both appear to enjoy more than the feeldoe and the scene ends with Milo murmuring the Cole ‘that was amazing!’

A few items to note about this movie- it is (obviously) a queer indie porn, sexual diversity is a definite strong suit. If you are looking for hetero-normative porn, this is not your movie. If you are looking for hot queer porn, step right up because you’ve found it! As this is not a multi-million dollar porn, the lighting is, at times, a bit iffy (though much better than any other Reel Queer vids I’ve seen so far.) The sound is much improved over other most independent porns and though music is playing in each scene it is at a normal level and the stars can still be heard as they enjoy themselves. I like this type of porn because the orgasms are real, the stars are not stretched and stuffed full of silicone- they are naturally sexy, which has major appeal for me.

This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.
Published in: on 04/28/2010 at 10:36 PM  Comments (11)  
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